How is your relationship with yourself? Yes, with yourself! It’s extremely important to build relationship with yourself and become your own no 1, love and accept yourself. I can almost hear you saying: hey, isn’t this selfish? I have come across of very good definition of selfishness: is not living as one wants to live; it is asking others to live as one wants them to live. Loving and accepting yourself is not being selfish then…
Besides when you truly love yourself there cannot be any selfishness because when you experience and know who you really are you also know that we are all connected, we are all one.
Some of us get almost paranoid when being home alone instead of feeling thrilled that you have plenty time for you and treat yourself as your best friend.
Once you learn how to accept, approve and finally love yourself you become the source of your own love, support and happiness. You are not dependant any more on someone else to praise you, make you feel better and love you. Once you reach this stage of self – love and acceptance then and only then you can create healthy relationships with others. Then you don’t expect or demand anything in return. Since you became the source of all pleasant feelings you are ready to give and share.
You are a centre, a sun of your own universe. When you realize who you truly are and reconnect with that part of you, you’re shifting your whole life experience to the new level. As within so without, meaning that the way you feel, think and speak about yourself and the way you take care of all of you (mind, body, soul) directly reflects how your life is and how other people treat you and relate to you! That’s why relationship with self is so crucial. It’s the most important thing you can do for yourself, the best gift you can give to yourself – love and acceptance. Treat yourself with love, patience, compassion and understanding. The same way you would treat beloved person. Why would we choose to treat others better then ourselves? It’s because we were brought up that way and conditioned to behave like that, and all of it is enforced with beliefs we take on board from our nation, society and family (including ancestors).
If your heart is longing to reconnect with inner self (higher self or soul) becoming aware of and dealing with self-limiting beliefs, fears and criticism is a starting point.
1. Write down negative and self-limiting beliefs, f.e. I’m not good enough, or I’m not worthy of…
2. Write down your fears and beliefs associated with them – yes, they go together!
There are few ways of clearing negative beliefs, fears, phobias, etc. I use either The Journey work, Theta Healing of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to do that.
3. Pay attention to the way you think and speak about yourself!
– How could I be so stupid/naive/careless?!
– I should or I should have…
– I’m fat/ugly/hopeless/not interesting, etc., etc.
Self-criticism is weakening your from inside. Your body tenses up when you criticise yourself or others! Yes, your subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish whether you speak about self or other! Why would it? Remember we’re all connected, we are all one! The opposite happens when you praise, compliment and bless yourself and others so do that every day! You can do it mentally, there’s no need to say it out loud unless you really want to! It’s very powerful practice. You might notice that huge changes after very short time.
I also invite you to start with finding time and space just for yourself. Write as many things and positive features of you as possible – be creative and have fun with it.
Then read it back aloud and take time to acknowledge all those things and let them sink into you. Repeat this exercise once in a while.
Do things which you like the most and just enjoy your own company. Ask yourself what would I like to do the most now? Allow yourself to follow that inner guidance, maybe you would like to rest or in contrary have some fun or go for a walk. Whatever that is make sure it brings you pleasure and joy. The more you honour yourself that way the more you love yourself and vice versa!
Start noticing your emotions and states. Learn to build self-report. Ask yourself on regular basis: How do I feel right now? What are my body and my emotions telling me? Yes, they have message for you! Just let them talk to you. Tune into your inner wisdom. I find meditation extremely useful for that purpose. It simply allows you to tap into inner knowledge and start using it. It’s very easy technique and most importantly doesn’t require any fancy and expensive gear! Find some time and quiet place when no one will disturb you. Play relaxing music, light a candle and you’re set. Then sit in comfortable position, begin to let go of your everyday thoughts and revert attention inside. Don’t force it and suspend all the judgements and expectations. Just allow it to happen effortlessly and naturally. I encourage you to use meditation; you’ll be amazed how much you’ll benefit from it.
Practice, practice and once again practice to grow your awareness, to love and accept yourself. It’s the best gift you can give yourself!
With love
Magdalena
Photo credit: h.koppdelaney